wednesday...

sweet baby boy.  in six month clothes!

sweet three year old...

it doesn't look like it, but my fabric nook is now WAY more organized...

following daddy's ship.  he has since crossed the date line...  it's crazy trying to figure out what time it is for him!

sick obsession... no, they are not from a recent shopping trip.  i just had been using them to tote stuff around and thrown them all down.  and then realized that i use their bags like crazy!  i even resew them when they start to rip!!

jamey at swim lessons...

nora doing "rocket ship arms"

so, just as i post about not having anxiety, a bout hits.  i saw the irony of it, and spent the day praying for peace and giving it to God.  i am so used to david here, telling me not to worry!  but, now he's the one i am worrying about!!  (thankfully it is much better!  and one of the many reasons i don't watch the news!)  

we are doing really well... all packed and ready to get on the airplane tonight.  i have two suitcases, plus one with odds and ends, including diapers i want to use up (cause we are almost in size 3!!), and some of mom's stuff.  i could have fit it in two, but i want one to bring stuff back here with us!  (hello, trader joe's!)

and, two carryons.  one of them has the kids daddy blankets, since we are going to be sleeping on the plane.  also, NO CARSEATS, NO STROLLER!  call me crazy...  but i am trying to make this as simple a trip as possible!!!  phew...

also, i should also mention that david is doing really well.  he is having fun (i think), and staying super busy.  i know he would love to be with his family, but it's so fun for him to do his job!  i am thankful for that!!!

restless...

friday at the beach...

i love watching my kids play!!

getting ready to stand up paddle board...

okay, so knee-paddle board!

it was crazy windy that day!

the guy said he really shouldn't be letting us out.  

it was QUITE a work out!!!  but, a lot of fun.  and a good way to keep my mind on other things!

so, church on sunday.  nora woke up with her rash worse.  i had been tired and was debating not going at all.  but i will miss the next two weeks.  mom offered to stay home with nora, and i assumed james would stay as well.  chris ate just before i left, then fell asleep, so she kept him, and james begged to go.  it was fun to have just him.  

i got to church and the first passage we read was in matthew about not being anxious or worrying.  the first thing that came to mind when anxiety was mentioned was nora's schooling next year.  more on that in a minute.  during prayer, the pastor mentioned that today was heavy on restlessness and anxiety.  a friend prayed specifically for me to not be anxious about david and his deployment.  and it hit me that i am really not anxious about him being gone.  sad, heartbroken, yes.  but anxious, no.  

i think it comes down to the fact that we believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he's doing what God wants him to be doing.  and he loves what he does.  as sad as he was to leave, he was excited about his job.  this is what he signed up to do.  why he does what he does.  and, if he's in the center of God's will, how on earth would it be better for him to be here?  

back to nora's school.  i forget if i have mentioned on here.  when we started thinking about nora and school next year, we didn't agree.  the debate started between pre-school and kindergarten.  good arguments for both, but we both wanted different things.  so, after discussing and praying, we decided she would go to kindergarten.  then, we looked at schools.  again, we didn't agree.  again, we liked all the options, but had different first choices.  so, after discussing and praying, we decided on a school.  

we applied at the school.  i was the first person in line on registration day for nora's class.  and she is still 9 on the wait list.  so now, we have to decide what to do.  i wanted to talk to david about decisions before he left, because i didn't want to do it over email while he was gone.  

do we apply somewhere else, somewhere without a wait list, so we are sure she gets in somewhere?  and where should that be?  if we apply, how long do we wait?  do i do it now, or in april/may/june?  anxiety inducing.  

when david and i talked about it, he said he would be gone, so come (last) friday, it was my call.  i joked, "you mean, on friday, i can apply to the school i want?"...  and i have given the whole thing a lot of thought this week.  what do we do?  (this being said, i don't think there is a right or wrong answer...)

and sitting in church today, there was just such a peace that came over me.  i am not going to be anxious about it.  i am just going to sit on it for awhile.  i don't know how long, but i am not going to stress about it.  maybe she'll end up at the school with the wait list.  chances are pretty good.  maybe she'll end up at another school.  but God knows, and right now, i am not going to worry.  it was so reassuring!

it's my party...

wow... three years ago today, this baby boy was born...

his sweet, turned in, feet.  such a snuggly little boy...

mid-run today.  i love watching him run.  there is just something about it.  and, he's still quite snuggly...  but i think that has something to do with daddy leaving.  and i am not complaining.  i LOVE his snuggles...

at the splash park with friends for cupcakes...

it was just a boys and mom day...  

because:

this is nora's leg.  (she told me she wanted this pic deleted.  but i asked if i could put it on the blog.  she said, "if you want to".)  needless to say, her rash is worse...

can you see how RED her face is?  it matches her shirt!!!  she felt great, but looked awful this morning.  now she feels awful, too.  after talking to a few moms this morning, i am reneging my "amox rash" determination.  it appears it is the end of whatever viral upper respiratory infection she had.  so, she is itchy and stuffy again.  poor thing...

james:  he can spell his name!  and is obsessed with finding "j's" everywhere.  he loves all things "cars", and is all boy.  but, he is the first to notice if i painted my toes.  or comment on my jewelry.  or tell me how beautiful i am!  he reminds me of david's cousins...  they are such polite boys, such great men, but they notice things that make girls happy...  hopefully james turns out just like that!

james loves his mommy.  he still has a bit of separation anxiety.  he doesn't like to leave me, or be left out of anything!  but, he doesn't cry anymore.  he just needs a hug and kiss.  and as for the being left out...  nora was on amox, and james kept asking for some, too.  he kept saying, "see, i have a cough, too".  and when i said it wasn't just about the cough, he said, "see, look in my mouth.  i have lungs.  i need some, too".  poor thing... i wanted to give him some just to make him happy (i didn't!!).  

he's all boy...  you say "don't touch", and he reaches out and says, "i touched".  he pushes limits, but is usually also the first to respond with a "yes mommy".  he's just so sweet!  i love this boy!  i am so thankful that he's mine...  happy boy, sweet baby james!

a quick vid...

ironiclly, we are in the frozen shot, but not the actual video...  david and my mom are in a few shots...

http://www.kitv.com/news/hawaii/U-S-S-O-Kane-sailors-deploy-to-Western-Pacific/-/8905354/9692202/-/item/0/-/bcr83r/-/index.html

a mini photo shoot...

sweet boy buried at the beach!

nora and a head...

a buried nora

jamey and a head...

going kayaking!!

man, we look good!

floating out on a raft...

thank you daddy for a wonderful day at the beach!

chilling on the beach...  the same place where we would see daddy's ship disappear off in to the horizon tomorrow (we went to the beach on thurs, ship left on friday...)

playing with dad...

making sand balls...  so meticulously.  it was so cute to watch!

glow sticks in the bath.  it was dark and i used my flash... love their eyes!

still pitch black... good flash!

they want this every night now!!

photo shoot with the baby... trying to capture some of his faces!

telling a story...

furrowed brow...

who me?

smiling!  he's so sweet!!!

reading with dad...

we had a great last day with daddy.  it was such a relaxing and wonderful 24 hours.  we had breakfast, we took the kids to the beach.  i am so thankful that he had everything he needed to done.

today, we had two birthday parties to go to.  and, nora woke up with a rash all over her body.  MAJOR BUMMER!  thankfully, my mom remembered that nora has been on amoxicillin.  so, we went to urgent care.  and, the doctor agreed that it looks like an amoxicillin rash.  he said not a true penicillin allergy (yet), but most doctors won't prescribe her any of the penicillin related drugs any more.  oh, does she look miserable.  poor thing.  but, with it being that, we made it to both of the birthday parties today.  it WORE my kids out!  (that, and the fact that the baby is sleeping better than the older two, who seem to think that waking up before 5am is appropriate!)  they were in bed by 6pm tonight, by their request!

the baby, by the way, is sleeping WONDERFULLY!  he's on a general schedule, and usually up about once a night.  sometimes twice.  it's wonderful!  i haven't been stressing with him (or the other two) right now, since we are leaving the island next week...  hopefully we'll all get on a better schedule when we get back.

day two is almost done.  and it was a good day.  i am almost able to breathe deeply without feeling like i am going to cry!!!  and i am so thankful for the texts/phone calls/emails/PRAYERS!  i feel so loved!  and so thankful that my mom is here.  she has just been wonderful.  i know so many friends don't want any family around right before a deployment, but it was so nice.  we threw the kids at her quite a few times, had dinners made and cleaned up, and then she would disappear.  going to movies, reading in her room, giving us time to ourselves.  it was wonderful.  and it was so nice to have someone to help yesterday when i just wanted to hole up!

and david is doing well...  he is going to be sending me updates for the blog periodically, hopefully one this week.

raw and honest...

david is next to the guy in blue.  to our right...

see the guy in blue with the yellow hat?  david is still to the right of that...

holding up our signs!

we love you daddy!!

david has his head turned.  

she was getting a little tired of waiting.  and annoyed with her wardrobe malfunction... the tie to the dress broke.  

looking over to find daddy...

he turned and asked, "can i go with him?"

"bye daddy.  we love you!"

david is on the far left...

gosh, i love that man!

like crazy...

the kids...

and daddy...  on the right.

just as the ship was getting underway.  david is on the far right.

again... far right!

david is in the center here... just to the left of center. 

watching the ship pull away from the pier.  

steaming on ahead, out of the harbor.  

we made record time to the landing where we usually watch the ship.  we played a bit of ring around the rosy...

james moved just as i took this pic... but it turned out so cool... nora's head totally looks like it's attached to jamey's body!!  i was trying to get them both peeking out from behind the tree...

she, however, has NO PROBLEM posing!

sweet boy...

i love that face!

i love the way the ship looks, peeking through the trees...

leaving the harbor!

they all look so nice in their whites, manning the rails!

waving...

another pic...

we then drove to the beach... with her at our right the whole way!

we got to the beach, just as she did!!!

this was BEFORE we put on our suits...  i even got to stand up paddle board!  pics to come later...

this has been a painful ripping of the band aid.  it was a slow last week.  i am SO THANKFUL for it.  we have had such wonderful family time in the last few months.  between baby leave and pre deployment leave and his schedule, we have seen a lot of daddy.  and had so much fun...  cherishing the time we have had.  that said, there comes a point where it's JUST. TIME.  

neither of us had been too sad.  we both prepared for it... david getting his stuff ready to go, me getting stuff for him to go!  we did the "daddy stories" where he read to them on video.  i wrote him letters.  we got stuff done that we needed to.  we just had fun.  

so, yesterday, when he had the whole day off, we had nothing left to do.  we took the kids to school in the morning so we could have some time.  we went to breakfast, walked a bit, and then came home and watched a movie.  he snuggled with chris on the couch and then with me when chris slept.  he picked the kids up from school, and we headed to the beach.

we left chris with my mom and really had a great time.  i kayaked a bit, and we all played in the water.  i had cried the whole way to the beach, but the minutes seemed to tick by so slowly.  it was heaven.  we got home to a meal prepared by my mom.  i watched david play with the kids while i fed christopher.  we ate.  david read stories.  then, it was bedtime.  it was a hard bedtime.  the kids kept looking at us like we had two heads, as we just cried.  (okay, maybe "daddy is going away" and "the kissing hand" weren't the best choices for bedtime stories, but...)

after the kids went to bed, we just snuggled on the couch.  watching "wild amazon" and "the big bang theory".  (we're nerds like that!)  it was wonderful to lay there while he played with my hair.  and then it was bedtime.  those minutes hadn't gone slow!  

i don't think david slept much last night.  i, however, had cried myself into exhaustion!  our kids woke up before 5am, afraid they were going to miss daddy.  he got dressed, and played with them till it was time to go.  they said goodbye, and nora asked why he was crying again.  she said, "you just did that, last night!" but, they weren't bothered at all with him leaving (which was what i wanted!)

i drove him in and cried the whole way.  the man at the gate probably didn't know what to do with me as i handed him my id!  thankfully, david had kept enough time for us to say good-bye at the pier.  we hugged.  cried.  kissed.  and i looked around and there were so many others doing the same thing.  then, i had to let go and watch him walk away.  

rushed home, rounded up the troops, went back to the ship to capture all the pics you see above!  we said good-bye.  it was really hard to just stand there and stare at each other.  david used the word "heartsick" today.  i haven't been able to take a deep breath yet.  not sure how, but i made it through the groc without crying!  but, at the pier.  he would look at me and mouth "i love you".  and i the same.  then, he would look back, as someone talked to him, or to check something.  i would look around and make sure all three kids were still there. 

such a picture of where we are in our lives.  my heart was breaking.  i couldn't see through my tears.  but each of us has something else pulling us away.  for him, it's work.  he has a job to do.  one i want him to do well.  and he can't do it if he is only focusing on me or our family.  

and i am here, with our kids.  and what a blessing they are.  i can't dwell on how sad i am and be a good mom to them (yes, i CAN be sad, and have bad days, but i couldn't come home and crawl into bed like i wanted!!  and it was probably better for me not to!).

then, i read this on a blog today...

the trick is to enjoy your life... don't wish away your days waiting for better ones ahead...  marjorie pay hinckley

so, while i lay here, with my chest so tight, tears welling up in my eyes, i don't want to wish away the next eight months.  and as i type eight months, i am not sure how that is possible.  but, so many others get through this.  we will get through it.  and have fun doing it!  

i told david this morning that i am so proud of him.  proud of what he does.  thankful for his love for us.  thankful to love him so much that it hurts to watch him go.  and a little jealous of his port visits!!!  lucky i'm in love with my best friend!

we went to the beach after, and several friends met us there, or joined us from the ship.  i looked around the beach, so thankful for the family i have here.  for the friends who have called or texted to check up on me today.

the kids...  so many people have asked about the kids.  i realized yesterday that james is getting it so much more than i thought.  he's been super clingy and keeps saying "i don't want daddy to go away on his ship".  in addition to begging to go with daddy today.  he also was telling me how he didn't want the bad guys to get daddy.  i think as we talk about daddy going to get the pirates, it is so much more dramatic for him.  but i am so thankful for his hugs!

nora is doing well most of the time.  she has had a few moments where she just sobs, "i want my daddy". i think she does.  i also think she was SO TIRED today, and has a slight drama queen bone in her body!  (she is that way with a lot of things...  but i DO THINK she does want her daddy!)

thanks for your prayers.  we continue to appreciate them!  thanks for listening today!