parties...

a random picture of b and his toes!  his new, favorite thing to do!!

getting ready for nora's surprise party!

writing on the party hats!!

this kid. 

this little niece!!!

sisters...

consulting.

waiting.

this girl.  so surprised!

i love her expressions!

getting excited. 

mom-mom might have been the most excited!

her new drink.

eating her red velvet cake (her request).

trying to make sure he gets his...

sneaking hers.

and his.  

so, i have been reading about this woman who has cancer.  such a beautiful, sad story.  today, nora told me she didn't want me to join her and grandparents at the park.  mostly cause she wanted grammie time.  but also because i "only sit the whole time".  and that's true.  partly because i am sometimes feeding the baby.  or we are meeting other moms at the park so we chat while the kids play.  or sometimes, because i just do.  

and i have cried over that tonight.  cried for this mom who may not see her kids grow up.  and for the fear that it could be me.  and for the fact that i CAN be running with my kids and i don't.  

i have been trying to take extra time with nora recently.  she is staying up a little later than the boys (she lobbied for it on her birthday!).  i try to give her the time she needs.  and it's so much fun.  i am working on saying "yes" more.  to putting in curlers because it's saturday.  or letting her dress up in my clothes (she was wearing them to fight bad guys the other day!).  and not get upset about mundane things.  

but, my mom heart hurts tonight.  i have failed my kid.  and i raised my voice at the boys when the got out of bed for the millionth time tonight.  because they wanted to tell me they loved me.  where is the balance between grace and discipline?  drawing the line that they have to obey and loving hearing their sweet voices say it just one more time?  

b is getting SO BIG!  i think he grew a ton this weekend.  and i just want to bottle up little c.  the things he says and the crazy way he says them.  he's hysterical!  he wants to be a big kid SO BADLY!  he runs after them and just wants to be included.  j is a middle child.  who wants more attention than 1 of 4 gets.  but, he's my only brown eyed child.  and he has his daddy's brown eyes.  they are so precious.  i love them.  and i love that he loves to kiss and hug me.  that he has this amazing, huge, tender, sweet heart.  it's just underneath his middle child, attention seeking exterior.  and when i dig for it, and finally get it, it makes it all the more worthwhile!  n.  oh my.  we will have a run for our money with her.  she's the princess, the only girl.  and a little mother to her brothers.  i see so much of me in her.  and that's a beautiful, scary thing!  the qualities i love and the ones i never wanted to pass on to my kids!  but she is so beautiful- inside and out.  she has such a sweet, fun little personality.  and she's so grown up.  i remember thinking i was so grown up.  i love the little lady she is and can't wait to see who she becomes!