before...

36 weeks pregnant

silliness before bedtime!

brothers don't shake hands...

he found the baby hat and decided it's his...

painting nails with a friend!  how did she get so big??

his "creation".  cracker, turkey, cheese, apple, cracker.  he was so proud (despite the look on his face!)

i have seen the quote "a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor" several places recently.  (but never with an author…)  it has convicted me (especially in regards to my previous post) again, that a smooth sea, an easy life, one that i can control easily doesn't help me.  it doesn't make me rely on God.  it makes me rely on me and what i can do.  i forgot to say that the other day.  i have really been trying to just trust.  

i have also been feeling guilty.  guilty that i didn't watch the kids closely enough and they got hurt.  guilty that i napped instead of cleaned or played.  guilty that i raised my voice to harshly (even though children needed to hear they were disobeying!).  guilty that i am not doing more.  guilty that i am not doing less.  guilty for not cooking more dinners, but letting the kids have "lunchables" (see james' pic above) for dinner.  guilty for trying to control.  guilty for not being the person i want to be, and should be.  guilty for not feeling as guilty as i should, but making excuses about this "phase" of life.  (deployment, new baby, 9 months pregnant, pcs move, pic your excuse!)

d and i were talking about it last night- well, i was crying.  (see above excuse list… 9 months pregnant, deployment, etc)  he was so patient and so comforting.  and reminded me of the truth.  of the good things i am doing.  of the good mother i am.  that our kids are fed.  and safe.  and happy.   i am so thankful for him!  and that he loves me enough to be patient with me!